Blissexology – Spiritual Sexuality: From the profane to the profound

Integrating sexual energy into the spiritual path or consciousness path, is often the place spiritual folk in many different modalities get stuck.

From the Christians to the esoteric mystics, from the Yoginis to the religious folk. It’s certainly where I got mired in the belief systems and agendas of others for around two years.

Sometimes in the beginning of a spiritual sexual journey you have to explore the profane first.

It’s not the only way, but what I’ve found is, if you try and explore the energy from a place of perfection or ‘higher energies’ only, the lack of grounding and shadow work will shipwreck you before your voyage has even begun.

Sexual energy, meeting needs and desires, exploration with consciousness is often fraught with those who run a sexual agenda that only meets their own needs, not those of the student.

The beginning of the conscious journey into the shadow involves the understanding and often the experiencing of what is taboo in our world, or at least what is considered uncomfortable.

I often watch reality programmes about hoarders, as I love watching the transformations.

Hoarders are often people who get so emotionally overwhelmed that they end up living in rubbish and collected things, feeling frozen, unable to let anything go.

These souls often need serious help from therapists and people who help them practically by wading into the mess with them and cleaning.

Without judgement or force.

I’ve been around a lot of clients who feel this way energetically around sexuality.

It got overwhelming.

They didn’t want anyone to see their mess and shame.

And then it got so overwhelming, change became impossible on their own.

A journey out of the shame and into bliss and awareness is possible.

It starts with looking deeply within, seeing and freeing the shadows.

And knowing that you’re not alone.

There are many spiritual people who need help with this part of their path.

You are not dirty, or disgusting to have desires.

You can work with the root and the sky with awareness and balance.

The unconscious exploration of the profane can get you lost in the ultimate mammal.

The amount of gurus or spiritual teachers who end up in scandals involving sexuality, often even leaning into the abusive, is high.

Perhaps because they felt themselves ‘too spiritual’ to acknowledge their sexuality.

When I started my journey into exploring desire, I attended quite a few Tantra workshops and began to understand that the fantasy of anything was often not the reality.

One of my favourite stories is when I finally got to experience a group of people massaging me, working with my energy, the taboos of nudity and sensual touch integrated into the space.

I thought it would be overwhelmingly sexual.

I thought it would ‘turn me on’.

I thought it would be a fantasy realised.

Until I burst into joyous tears during the experience, as I’d never felt so loved, so much a part of a mindful community with conscious touch.

That experience (luckily) had clear boundaries and didn’t include anyone being able to derail it into a merely sexual space.

The safety of boundaries created the experience of desire and sensuality to transcend beyond the mammal, into collective consciousness and heightened energy.

I am not saying that being turned on, or feeling really sexual is bad, or low frequency.

I’m saying that it is the inclusion of discovering all aspects of the sexual energy that can balance it out and remove the fear, shame and guilt.

And it’s different for everybody.

There’s no one way to do it ‘right’.

I have found that, without the conscious exploration of fantasy, taboo and desire, there’s no true balance in this human spiritual path.

It also tends to rise up later on the path, connecting the energies between ground and sky like a lightning strike of fear, guilt and shame.

Although quite a few people may say that there’s only ‘one path’ for this energy, that has not been the experience of those I respect and work with on this part of the spiritual path.

I believe that you can learn to harness the lightning in a bottle instead, when you are willing to consciously work with it.

For some, it may include orgies and sexual experiences.

For some it may include gentle exercises within a monogamous marriage.

There is no polarised path here of right or wrong.

There is a calling to balance, to integration.

Of alignment of energies, without judging your own taboos.

The lived reality of this energy is such an individual experience, that YOU are the only true expert on your own journey.

For me – and other tantrikas – there is a path through the fire of arousal and exploration that leads to a more balanced integration between sex and spirit.

And it starts with a deep and conscious dive into your own desires, with awareness.

Sometimes it’s the missing link that helps everything else make sense

Sometimes it’s the healing from this shadow that opens up possibilities.

And I firmly believe it’s the key to longevity and harnessing your own power when it doesn’t cause intentional harm and is integrated into your own personal spiritual journey with respect, awe and deep love.

Far better for us here in this incarnation than fear, guilt and shame.

As Rumi said so succinctly:

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field, I’ll meet you there.”

You just have to be willing to look into your field.