Like a well in the desert – your Wisdom has the power to heal, grow and awaken.
This extract from my new book 100 Wisdom Wells – how to live an enlightened life in the real world.
At 13, during a dark night of the soul, a peaceful inner voice asked me: “Choose a reason to live that is greater than the pain of being alive.” I chose to live for Wisdom. At 17, I was invited to teach and I’ve been teaching ever since.
By my thirties, I was living my purpose. I had spoken on stages around the world, filled classrooms each week and my heart sang with the joy of doing what I loved. But money was still a nightmare.
I cried often about not being able to pay all my bills. That twisted, knife-in-the-gut feeling of fear was too familiar. When a long-time friend betrayed me – securing investors to secretly clone my business and poach my students – it was the death blow. But the truth was: I had never been a good custodian of the financial side of my work.
Wisdom was asking me to let go of my identity as a ‘spiritual teacher’, to release my property and business and to rebuild from the inside out. That meant finally facing money and looking for the deeper truth.
One morning, diary empty, no classes to teach, unopened bills piling up, I sat with tea and journal in hand. “Right,” I thought, “I’m ready.”
I knew it was no good brainstorming logos or brands while my inner world was still blocked. First, I needed to turn any Closed into Open.
The closed feeling I chose to face was around wealth.
Wisdom had once shown me that money could be like rain for my Apple Tree, my true, purpose-filled self. That had helped, but I needed more.
And this is where I invite you to step in. Let’s do this together.
WISDOM WELL REFLECTION
Take a minute to connect first to the word money and then to wealth.
Say each word slowly. Notice your body’s response.
Does it feel open, relaxed, peaceful – or closed, tense, heavy?
On a scale where 10/10 means totally open, and 0/10 means totally closed, how do you respond to money?
Do the same for wealth.
Remember:
- Open doesn’t mean yes, closed doesn’t mean no.
- Open means seeing from wholeness. Closed means seeing from lack.
- Our inner work begins where we feel closed. That’s where Wisdom belongs.
If you feel open about money, enjoy learning from my journey, but later, try applying this Wisdom Well building to other words. If you feel closed, come along. Let’s walk through a Wisdom Well together, in present tense.
Money blocks – A guided walk with Wisdom
#1 DIG – First we dig our Wisdom Well.
I write my Wisdom Well topic down to focus on: ‘Money and Wealth’.
I close my eyes and take a few breaths.
Guiding my attention to my body.
Noticing the breath gently rising and falling in a natural rhythm.
Feeling and sensing the chest area… then the solar plexus, just below my rib cage.
Not trying to change anything… simply allowing whatever sensations and feelings are there, to be there.
Feeling my skin…
Sensing the air and space around my body…
The feel of the air against my back… on my legs…
Then noticing the sense of space inside…
Being here and now…
Just being.
“Wealth. Money. Abundance.”
I think about these words and their meaning.
What happens when I focus on this?
Does it feel open, relaxed and comfortable –
or does it feel closed, tight and heavy?
I notice it feels more closed than open.
My stomach flutters nervously.
I explore the closed response for a few minutes, being honest with myself.
For how long have I felt closed around money? I ask.
It feels like always, since childhood.
I can say, “I love holidays.”
I can say, “I love affording quality, healthy food.”
I can say, “I love being able to support my ageing parents.”
I can say, “I love being able to pay for my children’s needs.”
All of this is easy to say and feels open, with peace.
But if I say, “I love money”?
My heart and the sensations in my body close.
The very thing that helps me do all the things I love – I’m not allowed to love?
That doesn’t make sense.
I want money, but I also don’t want money.
I feel torn.
I don’t want to suffer from having too little,
but I don’t want to want money.
I’m tired of financial stress.
Tired of worrying.
Tired of shame.
This is my honest, raw and real experience.
#2 ASK – Then we create our BUCKET questions.
My three Wisdom Questions:
- What is the deeper truth about money?
- How does Wisdom see wealth?
- What do I need to know?
I use these questions in my Wisdom Wells as an intention, to guide attention deeper.
#3 OPEN – Then we open to Wisdom and fill our bucket.
Open. Open. Open.
I let go of expectations.
I let go of beliefs.
I am willing to be wrong.
I am willing to discover.
I admit I don’t know.
I don’t know what is true about money and wealth.
I want to see for myself what is true.
It’s time to send the bucket lower than the surface.
Thoughts continue rambling on,
but I am not interested in them, I am interested in what’s deeper.
I set an intention to tune in deeper… to Wisdom.
Knowing that my decision, this intention,
will send the bucket to the right place.
I don’t need to force this.
I can relax and intend, then simply notice what changes.
Tuning in
“What is the deeper truth about money?”
“How does Wisdom see wealth?”
“What do I need to know?”
And then I wait – until my body feels even slightly more open,
more comfortable,
more peaceful.
I’m patient.
This can take moments or minutes.
I keep feeling and sensing my body.
I want Wisdom.
I decide I am tuning in to Wisdom.
Translating
As I focus on Wisdom, I ask, What is changing?
How does that feel?
There is more openness.
I notice how my body posture wants to change.
I let my body posture change, letting my shoulders drop, my jaw soften.
I notice how my breathing softens.
Gentler.
I notice how my thoughts are still there, but they are quieter.
There is a familiar sense of knowing.
Of knowing the thoughts.
Knowing the feelings.
I intend to translate the knowing.
“If this feeling of openness could speak, what would it say?”
I invite my imagination to help find words, repeating the intention of the questions:
“How does Wisdom see money?”
“What is the deeper truth about wealth?”
“What do I need to know?”
The Money Mountain
The image of a mountain arrives.
A bundle of thoughts and words starts to flow.
The valley means having less.
The peak summit means having more.
I was born in the valley, just as it begins to rise, not in the shadows of poverty, but neither in the rise of having more.
Testing
I open my eyes but stay with the felt sense of peace and openness.
The opening of my mind, heart and body tells me that my bucket is filling with the water of Wisdom.
This is how I test for the presence of true seeing and know that I am seeing as the true self.
#4 LIVE – Finally we embody and live the Wisdom we find.
I return to the money mountain idea, which I sketch as a doodle –
labelling the valley ‘having less’ and the summit ‘having more’.
I want my inner student to learn from my inner teacher.
What else do I need to know? I ask, letting a dialogue flow as I write.
“You are loyal to where you were born.
Wherever you are born, there is a bond, a loyalty to family who stay there.”
“Where we are born, we feel loyal to?” I repeat.
Wisdom continues:
“Some in the valley point to those on the summit – judging them, seeing them as less.
Some on the summit point to those below – and judge them as less. Both are ego. Both lack Wisdom.”
Because I was raised in the early slopes of the valley, I see my loyalty to remain there. I see how loyalty is a lens. It becomes how we see and be. And therefore it can limit our true seeing and true being.
We judged those living higher, made jokes, mocking them, called them snobs.
With embarrassment, I see, we were the snobs. We were valley snobs.
It was part of our identity. We only belonged if we stayed in the valley.
Now that I was living higher up the mountain, I was one of them.
The us-and-them camps our minds create are everywhere.
Another biological survival drive –
to belong and stay in our tribe
and to be cautious of anyone ‘other’.
Wisdom confirms this.
What must I do to heal this? I ask.
Be equal-to the valley and summit
Wisdom answers:
“Be equal-to the valley and summit.
Don’t form an identity from your position on the mountain.
You are not your position on the mountain.
You belong anywhere and everywhere.
You are equal-to all.”
I see how corruption can happen at any position on the mountain. If we lack Wisdom, we lack the ability to see clearly no matter where we stand on the money mountain.
I can bring Wisdom to wealth, I know now.
I feel this shake the foundations of my conditioning, with open seeing and being.
Relief.
I am equal-to the valley and the summit.
I breathe these words in. Allowing the words to be felt.
Letting them teach my bones and my cells.
Letting this wash over me.
Letting Wisdom do its work.
What else can I do to be equal-to the money mountain?
What else can I do to bring Wisdom to wealth?
Be equal-to the numbers
Be equal-to the numbers, Wisdom replies.
Numbers?
Currency and cash flow, Wisdom clarifies.
See how the language of money is the language of flow.
How much money do I need each month to cover my expenses?
I write that number down.
Then I check to see if I’m equal-to that number.
I imagine the reality of earning this amount each month.
I feel for the number – how open or closed is this amount?
I notice it feels neutral and mostly open, with a touch of closed.
So I breathe and relax and set the intention to be more equal-to this amount.
I wait until it feels more open.
Then I increase the number.
Imagining the reality of earning this amount.
I feel for the number, noticing how open or closed I am to this bigger amount.
It feels more closed.
I take a deep breath and set the intention to be more equal.
“I’m equal-to this,” I say aloud.
Then I increase the number again.
I imagine the reality of earning this new, far bigger amount.
Fear is tangible.
My body contracts.
I set the intention to support myself in being more equal-to this.
I breathe slowly, imagining breathing in the words:
I am equal-to this.
Not greater. Not lesser. Just equal-to.
It doesn’t shift completely,
but there is a change.
So I stop at this bigger monthly cash flow amount.
I know I’ve shifted the number –
but have reached a new ceiling for now.
It occurs to me that I can repeat this exercise every few months,
to teach my body to be equal-to greater cash flow.
I finished my meditation, tired from the effort, knowing that if I wanted to build a healthy business, I would need to keep becoming more equal-to both the summit and the valley. And I would need to keep dropping the identity of being a valley dweller.
Which is exactly what I did.
Twenty years later, I am grateful for that Wisdom Well.
The business I built in its wake – InnerLifeSkills – serves leaders, coaches and healers in over 60 countries. It honours purpose and profit, sings the song of my soul and is successful.
May you call more rain for your Apple Tree purpose.
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