Mothering from the Heart, Not the Mind

I bear a message much needed for these times, which says: Enough harm and enough hurt; our bodies and our hearts know the ways of love and connection; it is time to trust that above all else.

It is about choosing to be in relationship with our children from the truth of this place – the Mother-heart.

When harm is normalised

Babies and children are routinely – and as a matter of complying with the norm – subjected to some experiences that are mostly unnecessary, counter-intuitive, against nature and even scientific evidence, harmful and even downright cruel. 

But, because these things are seen as ‘the way things are done’ and have attached to them righteousness, societal pressure and some powerful and deeply pervasive conditioning, these things are not brought into question. 

Here is balm for your heart

Our choices as mothers do not have to be harsh, disconnecting, heartbreaking or plunge us into conflict. In fact, when it feels conflicting it is pointing to the fact that there are options and, where there are options, new possibilities can arise. New ways are always available.

When we are in our Mother-heart and our power as mothers, we can trust ourselves without second guessing… If it doesn’t feel good, chances are it isn’t. 

We don’t have to leave our babies to cry alone because we think they are supposed to learn how to self-soothe. There is a lot of information available about the neurobiology of why this is so detrimental to a child’s brain – it causes a total nervous system shut down. So-called ‘sleep training’ requires a huge amount of disconnection from a mother and is counter to human evolution. (If you sleep-trained your children, please don’t feel that you have failed them, our culture failed you, systems failed you!) 

We don’t have to leave our children with others to raise them daily because we cannot see a reality beyond having to work outside the home. (I am not preaching here, there are many variables and circumstances that have bearing for each individual mother and family.)

We don’t have to subject our babies and children to unnecessary, unfounded, invasive medical scrutiny or interference. 

We don’t have to force our children to speak or act against their own truth simply for the sake of appearances or the feelings of others. 

I shy away from sounding prescriptive and giving many specific examples, but I share these as a few of the things that I experience as being in direct conflict with my connection with my own children – and because I know that there is a biological base for them. 

And while I am speaking on a more personal note, despite living my utmost values as a mother to the best of my ability, I have caused my own children great distress and damage to the bond between us.

If it feels ‘off’ to you as a mother; if you dread something; if you feel heartbroken, angry or conflicted about anything that seems it just ‘has to happen’ or one of the things that everybody does; or one of the things that some outside entity or authority requires… 

Bring it all the way into your heart 

Bring it into your sacred and precious authority inside the Mother-heart and your relationship with your sacred and precious child. Your child who is innocent and whole and relies on your heart-centred listening and power. 

Here in your heart, you may take courage and have faith in your inner whisperings and heed them by asking questions and finding new ways to protect your child’s wholeness and your holy bond with them. 

Grace, grace, grace in the mother

We have all gone along with the norm.

We have all made mothering choices we regret. 

We have all faced circumstances and situations that were outside our control and beyond our capacity. 

(I am not talking here about purposeful harm, this is more about how we sometimes cause harm unconsciously and ignorantly.)

When things happen to our children that are harmful (whether it was within our control or not), it causes fracture or trauma for them and ourselves. It can also bring about separation between us and our children.

Stepping into awareness

It is very difficult – and sometimes actually impossible – to face the ways in which our choices, or lack of choosing, may leave us feeling as though we have failed our children. 

Here we can call for open eyes and a heart brimming with courage and grace towards ourselves. 

Here we must bring to mind the fact that we are not meant to carry the burden of guilt. Appropriate responsibility yes, which is not easy by itself, but it is not for us alone to bear all the responsibility. 

Much as we try to do right and exercise our will to that extent, we are all vulnerable in our humanity and our mothering. 

We are all living with the wounds, patterns and ways of many generations before us. 

We are all labouring under the great inversion of the true, organic ways. 

We are all living in a reality where there is much opposition to – and little information and support of –  those ways of living in connection to all. 

We are certainly imperfect, underskilled, under-resourced and broken.

The ways of connection, nature and the heart of humanity, which is the heart of love; and the great blessing of being incarnate as a human being. 

Still we can take heart that we are love, and that we are held in the heart of love, the heart of the great archetypal, divine mother. 

It is never too late for any of us to choose the sacred work of healing the child within, conversation and resolution within our ancestral lines and the unburdening of our crippling load of personal blame.    We bless our children’s lives when we bring ourselves home into our own hearts. 

And for those of us who are with growing children and babies, we can know that we are not alone when we long to live in alignment with – and make choices from – within the Mother-heart, despite conventional pressures. Mothers everywhere are shaking off the inheritance of the ways of non-organic narratives. 

There is a vast and ever-expanding web of information and empirical evidence that that which feels good and right for the mother, is also of the highest service to the wholeness and wellness of our children. 

It is good, true and beautiful to mother from within the seat of our human hearts.