On a recent warm winter afternoon, the wrestle between integrity and sloth was particularly strong. Integrity was adamant to keeping its commitment of a weekly short run and sloth was not, as sloth does. And yes, all the best excuses were there; yes, it is winter; yes, I don’t feel like it; yes, tomorrow is another day.
Integrity won; and it was such a great run, no trying to achieve, just simple gentle movement that the body loves. This victory was felt again in the gym later that week and then synchronistically arose in a discussion with the ladies in that community. So I took note, a little notch of the universe perhaps.
If we focus on the bitter, we will miss on all the sweet. It is bitter to get out the door for a run, there is always thousands of reasons not to go and yet, every time I do, the sweet far outweighs the bitter. Of course, exercise here is an example of life.
No one has ever received a degree from only studying when they wanted to. It requires the bitter of showing up and attending to what you committed to, even and especially when you don’t feel like it.
The world is filled with a rush for the sweetness, may it be drink or food or sex or drugs or any other form of excess you can think off. All these are focused on the momentarily sweetness without any calculation for the bitterness that follows, as a hangover beautifully testifies too. And the bitterness surely always follows.
Ironically the sweetness does not need to be omitted, just delayed. The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment made this idea quite famous and this article is not a discussion if that delay would lead to adult success. Just simply that the ability to stomach the bitter (delay) before the sweet is a crucial component of taking care of our self.
I have been a great advocate for Self-Discipline as Self-Care. The core of that focus is to be able to endure the bitterness before the sweet.
May it be in relationships where we learn to wait for the right moment for the discussion instead of when we want to sort it out now. Many times to the detriment of the relationship harmony. My 20 year old self would have the eyeroll of the century, yet knowing when to keep quiet is the secret to happy relationships. Anything that is important can wait a day or week or three. Rushing in to be right has soiled many connections and left everyone bitter. Communication is critical of course, I am simply suggesting timing and constraint.
I recently spoke to a Millennial that was sharing the loneliness of not being connected to community. I pointed out that it is linked to their generational idea that they can show up when they feel like it. Not understanding that in the showing up when it is required, bitter, over time it builds community, sweetness and thus always feeling connected to our group/tribe, may it be in our profession or hobbies or active lives. The more individualistic we become, the more lonely everyone is, obviously as the individual is glorified before the needs of the total.
Even common courtesy and manners seems to be too much to muster for most, another beautiful example of not being able to take the bitter before the sweet. I have a beautiful polite and diplomatic older friend, she is feisty and yet has a deep sense of discipline to maintain social decorum, whilst retaining her ability to be a free thinker, never sacrifice her manners for independence. It seems not be required, it most definitely requires discipline and not just giving into her impulse in the moment.
In the discomfort of the bitterness, we show up and give our best, especially because it is required and because we have committed to it, integrity. Even it is just because you said you would, it will build your inner harmony.
Integrity is the harmony and alignment between what we think, say and do. When that line works in balance and harmony, life around becomes quite sweet. It is in the moment when there is a wrestle with our integrity that we need to show up, for ourselves.
Showing up in the bitterness, brings so much sweet, especially if applied our time. Yes, time is just a construct, yet consistency is the core of self-care. Say yes to what is nurturing to you and no to the poisoning, moment to moment, is the core of discernment. And the moment to moment part is really significant, as what is nurturing today may be poisoning tomorrow and visa versa. Discernment after all is nothing but Self-care.
In your life, can you handle the fleeting bitterness, to foster a sweet life?
