And, before we know, this year is in full swing and so are we. Or are we?

Lots of “how did we get here? “, “where did time go?”, “I wonder what this year’s got up it’s sleeve” and, as we go through our motions and daily routines, we still nervously peep around the next corner, or avoid it altogether, for who knows what might pounce at us next?

And even if we are slowly starting to gain some momentum and some good things are happening, we don’t trust it for there has to be a catch, nothing lasts, it is too good to be true, it came too easily, it feels too effortless… and we keep on dissecting it with the distrust and extreme petrified caution of the latest determined rookie member of the bomb squad!

Yes, over the last few years we had to learn resilience, survival, find new levels of strength, face extreme levels of loss, grief and despair. We had to rebuild, re-learn, re-structure, re-invent, re-invest, re-think and re-group and oh so many are still at it.

And by now we have done all of that for years and it became our new ‘normal’.

SURVIVAL became our everyday base energy, constant hyper vigilance, dysregulated nervous systems, fatigue, sleeping problems, anxiety and depression, constant stress, digestive issues, unbalanced energy systems, frictions in relationships, the sense of isolation… for that is what FEAR does to us, especially over longer time spans. What it also does is – it exclusively makes us over-focus on what is outside of ourselves to get a sense of safety and security, we disconnect from self and all that is good for us. Because when we are in survival mode (fight, flight etc.) we cannot be in abundance/growth mode and it will be impossible to create any kind of nourishing mind/body/soul balance.

So, here is a little challenge

Since we clearly somehow (no matter how shredded or gloriously) aced this survival thing, why don’t we give ourselves permission to dare a bit of living, thriving, growing and BE-ing ?

I know, I know it sounds very daring, if not even lavish and extravagant and, most of all, it doesn’t feel SAFE! And it makes sense that it doesn’t, because safety comes with control, which we by now find extremely hard to put down after all these years – no matter how exhausted we are.

And that’s where the BIG FLEX comes in with this challenge, I am asking you to just put down the weapons (hyper vigilance, mistrust, over-independence, busyness, stress, constant doing and planning…) every now and then (not even out of sight, just down) and simply ALLOW yourself to experience where you are at. Truly listening to your inner voice, your body , your soul – connecting with the INNER YOU which had to step into the background to do this constant survival thing. Reconnecting with yourself so you can reconnect with the world and people around you. Survival disconnects, breeds distrust, causes ill health and merely allows you to exist. Time to switch slowly to thriving until you won’t have it any other way. Your survival skills will always be there – we are wired that way – but they do not get to take centre stage any more.

In the words of Maya Angelou “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour and some style.”

So what is thriving, why should we aim for it and what are the challenges or tools to get there?

THRIVING is being empowered and having the freedom to choose how you want to live each day. Thriving is being able to regulate your emotions so that you are in control. Life will still happen, but you are growing and developing and loving it, despite the challenges. There is a sense of purpose/meaning, learning, engaging, excitement, joy, connectedness. We feel more grounded, our physical/mental/emotional systems are more balanced and we are less prone to illnesses, fatigue, depression etc. You are in the here and now most of the time, you allow yourself to BE.  The base energy is LOVE and the energy is directed inside/out – YOU are making the choices in your life and your life in is reaction to YOU.

SURVIVING is being stuck in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode constantly. Everything is a battle, nothing is safe, stress is the order of the day, you always worry about dropping the ball, you are barely hanging on, just barely managing to stay above water. You feel everything is on you, emotionally you either more negative or apathetic, you feel disconnected/isolated, not supported, exhausted, close to a burnout, you don’t sleep properly, your body is flooded with cortisol and adrenaline, you are more prone to high blood pressure, clogged arteries, anxiety, depression, addictive behaviours, weight gain…  The base energy is FEAR and the energy is directed outside/in – you are in REACTION to the world around you. You are never in the here and now, you are either in the future trying to avoid something or the past beating yourself up that you should have made different choices.

THE MIDDLE – COPING MODE when you are doing more than barely getting by, but you’re not feeling so alive that you want to yell from the mountaintops. So instead, you go and tick your boxes every day and have some good days, lots of so-so days and a few crazy days. This is great as a stepping stone to get to thrive, but don’t get too comfortable here for too long for that’s when tolerating, settling or complying with a ‘good enough’ comfort zone begins really quickly. Things aren’t good, but they are not so bad that you feel urged to rock the boat for more growth. It causes the ‘hamster wheel’ effect and we feel uninspired, flat and ‘stuck’.  Because you are – so get moving.

Now how do we move from survival to thriving?

• Recognise where you are (starting point).

Awareness is always key. If I don’t know where I am then it will be pretty impossible to know where I am going.   Check in with YOURSELF: Am I feeling balanced? Am I feeling life is happening TO me or FOR me? Do I know what feeds or depletes me? Do I feel  isolated or connected? Is my health balanced? Do I feel energised and excited or do I just pray to make it through the day?

• Set an intention (destination)

We just recognised where we ARE, now we need to set the intent/goal/finishing line where we want to BE, which outcome we want to have.  Which kind of life you want to live, what you would like it to look like, how you would like to feel in it, what the structure would be like, how you would like to show up in it, how you would like to experience it, what your health would be like… that’s what we are going towards.
– And now ACTION (bridging the gap)

Now we need to look at the gap between your starting point and your destination and figure out what will take you from where you are currently to where you want to be in the future. Now let’s remember that intentional change takes time and effort, be gentle with yourself and keep on reminding yourself what you are going towards.  It is also important that we concentrate on what we DO WANT instead of what we do NOT want. Watch your inner self talk along the way, it is a bit of a rollercoaster journey and it will feel uncomfortable initially for survival has become your ‘comfort zone’. But just keep walking.  What are these ACTIONS that bring us from point A to point B? Intentionally creating self-nurturing habits and regularly checking in with yourself (self-awareness).

Some Healthy habit forming ideas:

• Start setting the intent for the day in the morning, set YOUR energy imprint for the day.
• Make time for daily self-reflection, eg journaling; but in an observing way, not with judgment
• Integrate more of what you DO want instead of what you DON’T want. That little moment that brought a little smile when, for example, playing with your dog… have more
• Check in with yourself regularly! Have little reminders on your phone that goes off every so often during the day, then pause briefly and check in with yourself (How am I doing? Is my body tense or relaxed? Where are my thoughts at? Am I breathing properly? Am I thirsty/hungry? How do I like myself right now?…) and then just carry on. It brings you back into the here and now, connects you with your body and gives you an indication if you aligned with where you want to be or not.
• Become more mindful/present. Really be part of what you are doing at the moment and not allowing your brain to drag you to other places. When in a conversation – be present, when eating – concentrate on eating/chewing/taste/texture. In whatever you do – try and connect with the senses. Allow quiet/silent times.
• Check your breathing! It is the ultimate tool to connect us with our being and root us into the here and now. Try some guided breathing meditations.
• Honour your body with healthy food and a bit of exercise or just turn up the music and shake that body!
• Start doing things just for fun and out of curiosity, challenge yourself with something new. If you don’t know how – ask a toddler.
• Allow people to be there for you, say yes when they offer help, accept nurturing, kindness.
• Get into nature.
• Watch that inner voice of yours – if she isn’t a cheerleader – she gets fired.
• Unplug your devices.
• Create a personal mantra and make it your lighthouse.
• Ditch your to-do-list and start a to-be list.

Start picking one or two and add on as you go, keep checking in with yourself and walk towards the life you always deserved and wanted.

Time to choose YOU, time to choose LOVE, time to choose JOY! 

It has been way too long!