Whenever I’ve faced tough things – mountain-high decisions, hurtful relationships, painful consequences, speaking on stages around the world, health problems and the fear of “What if…” – Wisdom helped me with this teaching.
This single, simple insight helped me claim peace-filled power and the courage to get unstuck.
Here is the teaching.
Wisdom:
You are not ‘minus’.
You are not ‘plus’.
You are ‘equal to’
How many times does our ego and body’s survival response have us posture as ‘minus’ (hiding, minimising, avoiding) or ‘plus’ (exaggerating, trying too hard, controlling)?
What if neither of these is true?
When I notice I feel ‘minus’ – less than a challenge, inferior to another person, stuck in doubt or fear – I take a few minutes to face and get ‘equal to’ the imagined worst thing I’m afraid of. My fear of loss or failure, clinging to something or someone, my hoping to be seen as clever, good, or kind. This stops me from overcompensating by swinging into ‘plus’ – trying too hard, exaggerating or feeling superior.
This has helped me speak on stages, turn nightmares into new realities of abundance, set boundaries in relationships, heal from loss and face the daily challenges of being human.
It’s my wish for you to find the peaceful power of being ‘equal to’.
Here are four applications of the ‘Equal To Wisdom’.
‘Equal to’ judgement
Back in my late 20s, I was mid-speech to a small group of about 70, teaching intuition skills. A short, grey-haired man sitting in the back row, his cheeks flushed red, interrupted me mid-sentence and shouted, “Nonsense!”
Now that he had our attention, he continued, “This intuition thing is rubbish.”
It felt like a gut punch. I wanted to attack, to defend my point of view. Who does he think he is? How rude.
All eyes were on me.
If I let my first instinctive response take charge, I would position as ‘plus’, trying to make him feel as small and ‘minus’ as he’d made me feel.
But I knew another way. I felt deeper inside myself for wisdom, setting an intention to be ‘equal to’ this man and this moment. This created a new choice.
‘Equal to’, I thought to myself. This can feel like bowing, accepting, understanding and owning.
I invited myself to be ‘equal to’ his point of view, ‘equal to’ his interruption and ‘equal to’ his fiery personality. It’s more like the fulcrum of a pendulum that is stable – its ‘equal to’ both extremes.
‘Equal to’, I repeated until I could feel the contraction in my gut, heart and mind release. With more openness, a different way of responding arose.
I smiled (a real smile) and said, “Well, you know, for the price of popcorn and a movie, if you want to think of this talk as cheap bad entertainment, you’re welcome.”
He looked puzzled for a moment but then also smiled. “Touché,” he replied. And I simply continued my talk.
Ironically, he became a regular student and we had a lovely connection for a couple of years.
Being criticised comes with the job of being a mentor and coach, so I’ve used this wisdom often.
‘Plus’ and ‘minus’ are two sides of the same coin. They are both survival instincts expressed through ego. They’re not wrong or right, but they create more of the same. When someone positions as ‘plus’ to intimidate you, you may feel like you only have two choices – to act small and ‘minus’ or to attack back as ‘plus’.
If someone positions as ‘minus’ you might join them or feel sorry for them as you position in a ‘plus’ – which is different to empathy.
‘Equal to,’ like the fulcrum of the pendulum, is the state of compassionate detachment. It is giving cleanly without needing anything in return and receiving gifts gratefully without guilt. I believe it also gives others the opportunity to leave their ‘plus-minus’ state, where we can meet on the ‘equal to’ bridge of understanding. And even if the other remains ‘plus’ or ‘minus,’ you are free of the entanglement.
What would it give you to be free of the positive and negative judgments of others?
‘Equal to’ “What if!”
Our minds hold us to ransom with imagined outcomes.
When we get truly ‘equal to’ the best and worst imagined outcomes, we take back our peaceful power and claim what I call the ‘untouchable self’ – the true self.
“Colleen, what do you suggest I do?” my student asked, panic in her voice. “I’m facing a custody hearing this Friday. I’m terrified of losing custody of my children, but my ex-husband has money and influence. I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.”
I explained my ‘Equal To Outcomes’ process:
- First, visualise the worst-case scenario your mind is imagining. Picture yourself in a scene where the worst is happening – not to traumatise yourself, but simply to face what your imagination is already holding over you. Picture the conversations you need to have, face the loss and witness the events.
- Then, imagine that the worst is over – that it’s in the past. Place yourself in a safe, tranquil scene of your choosing, whether a peaceful spot in nature or a comfortable room. Breathe, let go and tell yourself that the worst has passed.
- Now, search for what I call the ‘untouchable self’ by asking: “Even though the worst has happened, what is still true that life cannot take from me?” Contemplate this and claim one or more untouchable truths. Over the years, I’ve heard responses like: My ability to experience love, beauty, peace and joy. Others have said: I still have my creativity, humour, talents and purpose.
- Breathe in these truths, allowing your heart, mind and body to absorb them. Show yourself that even if the worst happens, these untouchable truths remain. This is how we take back our peaceful power.
- Finally, notice how your feelings about the imagined worst scenario have shifted. With the untouchable truths to strengthen you, face the worst and feel the words, “I am ‘equal to’ this.”
Once we’ve completed facing the worst-case scenario and claiming the untouchable truths, it helps to also face the best-case scenario, where hidden fears and resistance sometimes hide.
So, we repeat the same process, but this time facing the best outcome.
I offered this process to my student as a way of preparing for her custody battle. A week later, at her next class, she told me what had happened.
“Col, I did what you said, even though I was worried that by imagining the worst, I would be attracting it. When I faced the worst-case scenario, I cried a lot, but the truth I found was that my children would always be my children, even if I lost legal custody. This did bring me peace. What surprised me was that when I faced the best, I realised my ex-husband would also always be their father. This was also my untouchable truth.
“When I went to the custody hearing, I was not as afraid and I was much more present. I was less triggered by my ex and more open to giving him a place. Amazingly, we agreed to shared custody, which I never thought was possible.”
How would it feel for you to feel ‘equal to’ your mind’s ‘what if worst and best future outcomes’?
‘Equal to’ failure and success
In the early years of building my business, overwhelmed by decision-making fatigue and cash flow nightmares, I would regularly use my own ‘equal to’ process to imagine the collapse of my business.
I would face needing to disappoint many people, handle the complexity of financial debt and accept the loss of my dream. Then I would claim my untouchable truths – that wisdom, intuition, and my apple tree purpose would still be true even if my business failed.
In this space of clear seeing, I would sometimes ask myself, “If it all collapsed, what would I do next?”
And each time, I knew – I would build it again. Then I’d face the best-case scenarios, getting ‘equal to’ new levels of complexity, responsibility and abundance.
I’ll tell you, each time I got ‘equal to’ a new level of monthly income in this way – by feeling the reality of the bigger numbers – without fail, my business would earn those new, bigger numbers within a few months.
By learning to be ‘equal to’ both the failure and success of every project, from sending emails to my database to pitching for life-changing multimillion deals, I’ve stayed in the flow.
Because, as wisdom has taught me, when we are not ‘equal to’ our imagined futures, we hold back our life river – then wonder why even the smallest rock blocks us. When we are ‘equal to’, we open the full power of our river of life, ‘equal to’ the rocks and waterfalls ahead of us and so we flow around and over them with grace and courage.
‘Equal to’ human and divine
I’ll leave you with a fable that an Indian friend, who used to be a monk, once shared with me.
“The big bird represents our expanded, higher consciousness. The small bird represents our human, limited consciousness. By trying to be the big bird, we keep ourselves as the small bird. Only by accepting our small bird does the big bird automatically arise.”
Being ‘equal to’ being human – the best and the worst of it – is how we discover the true self.
My final message to you.
May you be ‘equal to’ the valleys and summits of life. Know yourself as ‘equal to’ pain and pleasure, gain and loss. This is the true self.
After recovering from a home invasion armed robbery years ago, I asked wisdom if I had attracted this traumatic event into my life. This is what wisdom showed me:
“Winter is not your fault. Do you have any idea the courage of your soul to be born, to bleed and to die? You are that which is ‘equal to’ life. You are that sovereign being.”
