Doing Life with Heike: Kindness is always in season

Kindness is a virtue that goes beyond cultural and societal boundaries, connecting individuals through the simple yet profound act of compassion. It serves as a powerful force that can transform not only the lives of those on the receiving end but also that of the one who extends it. However, the true power of kindness becomes even more profound when paired with the awareness of oneself.

Self-awareness, the ability to understand one’s own thoughts, emotions and actions, lays the foundation for true kindness to exist and expand. So let’s have a look at the relationship between kindness and self-awareness, unravelling the incredible power they can have on individuals and the collective when they tag-team together.

At its core, kindness is a universal language that doesn’t really require any translation. It is the embodiment of empathy, understanding and pretty much everything that’s whole-hearted and makes us feel fuzzy and good. When people engage in acts of kindness, whether big or small, they don’t just do that in that moment, in that circumstance and with that person etc – NO – they actually  contribute to the creation of a more compassionate and harmonious world. The ripple effect of kindness is massive, as each act has the potential to inspire others to follow suit, make different choices, change the energy… and so forth. From holding the door for a stranger, a friendly word, a smile, speaking up, keeping quiet, a hug, to volunteering at a local charity… kindness shows up and manifests in a multitude of forms; the diversity of kindness is endless.

True kindness is never wrong (yes, I said that – for it is simply extended because it is heart- and soul-driven irrespective how or if it is reciprocated) but it can get even more heightened when coupled with self-awareness.

Ok – so now what? Being kind AND self-aware? What does that even mean?

A self-aware person is tuned in with their own emotions, values and motivations, allowing them to approach kindness authentically. In short – they are aware of why they are doing what!

Self-awareness prevents kindness from becoming just a tool for a well-placed publicity stunt in order to achieve a certain public image, or subconsciously being used to find some kind of self-affirmation, or any other secondary outcome. True kindness is in the act of giving/doing with what you can, where you are, with what you have, without the expectation of something in return.

When we are more in tune with ourselves there is no need for it to be a tool; we are better equipped to empathise with the feelings of others, it allows a clearer and more meaningful connection.

Self-awareness  can also get quite messy at first because it requires us to:
First reflect on our own biases, prejudices, preconceived ideas, inner stories, reactions, pros and        cons – not with judgment but with curiosity, grace and kindness – in order to understand them about ourselves and others and then;
Then hold space and allow ourselves to adjust/shift/overcome that which became barriers on our journey to approach OURSELVES and others with an open heart and mind.

How do you do this self-awareness thing?
In short – check in with yourself and stop taking everything so personally. You will not always be the ‘good guy/girl’ in everyone else’s or even your own story – and that’s totally ok. Know why you do what – keep on aligning with that – and keep going.

Four keys for that are: Mindfulness, self-compassion, reflection and feedback.

Mindfulness allows you to become more aware of yourself in the present – right HERE and right NOW. Self-awareness can only ever be in this present moment. How you feel, respond, vibrate RIGHT IN THIS VERY SECOND. It also gets you out of your head and back into your body.

Compassion allows you to do so without passing judgment on yourself but rather with grace and kindness. (Imagine yourself as a five-year-old – and meet yourself in that exact same way, with gentleness.)

Reflection and honest feedback to and about yourself (warts, glory and all) allow you  to take what you have learned and adjust, regulate and celebrate.

And just keep repeating: Check in – don’t judge – reflect – feedback!
Connecting kindness and self-awareness creates the powerhouse of acceptance, non-judgment and connection. All the wonderful, heart- and soul-based stuff we all crave and are made of. In short: LOVE.

It also forms the stepping stones for growth, inner and outer.

So off we go and change the world with our kindness, superhero capes on – but why do we find it so much harder to be kind to ourselves? Why do we find it so much easier to be gentle, understanding, generous and compassionate with others?

When we are kind to other people, we pay them attention, we offer warmth, affection, generosity, encouragement, without judging whether the circumstances necessarily merit it. We are considerate. We think of actions that the other person will appreciate and we give without expecting anything back. We are open to celebrating their success without feeling that it takes something away from us. Being kind is an action of abundance, not rationed or scarce. And we often bestow it with great enthusiasm – on OTHERS.

Yet when it comes to ourselves, we often find it so much easier to ignore our needs, have negative self-talk, extremely self-criticism, be highly competitive, constantly compare ourselves and expect perfection, downplay our success. We don’t often like ourselves (or part of ourselves) very much… now how sad is that? We bestow compassion and kindness on those that we deem worthy – OTHERS!

DARNNNN – now that is quite a punch in the gut – but we do pay attention and invest (time, energy, affection etc.) in what we deem most important in our lives. The proof is in the pudding – who or what do you spend the most time on, on a daily basis?

And how are we doing with RECEIVING kindness? Yip, there we go – giving feels more comfortable most of the time for we feel awkward receiving. We do not feel worthy or we feel vulnerable or… we just do not know how. The plot twist is – kindness is also allowing OTHERS to be kind to US.

So let’s get some tools on how to be kinder to ourselves
It not only does it feel better, it is also much healthier.

• Acknowledge your negative thoughts/emotions with curiosity: “Oh hello, anger, what are you doing here?” Don’t just run off with it blindly.
• Find little bubbles of joy – just for you, not any of the roles you play (wife, husband, mother, employee). Start with 10 minutes a day – just YOU.
• BREATHE and ground yourself. Check in with your senses, re connect with YOU.
• Use a mantra/positive affirmation.
• Check your boundaries – they are your bodyguards.
• Allow yourself to make mistakes – we are all here on earth to learn. No mistakes – no learning. We are all awesomely flawsome by design– embrace it.
• Embrace being human – everyone is having ups and downs, failure, pain, loss… People deal with it differently, but they DO experience it.
• Become your own cheerleader. No more ‘I shoulda, woulda, coulda’, you just end up feeling even worse. Rather crank up the music and write a new song.
• Create/find/join your tribe of like-minded people that hold similar energy and values.
• Write out your accomplishments and things you’ve done that you’re proud of (they don’t need to be big things). You can do that every evening to close a day on that note.
• Take care of your physical health. Taking care of your basic needs (eating well, getting sleep, self-care routine, winding down, physical exercise/movement) is part of engaging in self-respect and it’s a way to be kind to yourself.
• Joy, fun play. Let your hair down – you do not always have to be an ‘adult’. Let that inner child out, live in the moment, have a good belly laugh, be silly, dance wildly, BE.

A long story short: Make yourself your biggest love story.

Bestow all that love, compassion, attention, kindness, laughter, encouragement, forgiveness, time, lightness, praise, goodness, smiling, passion, respect, positive energy, humanity, focus, tolerance… into yourself with wild abandon. It will never be wasted, nor will it be in the wrong place – for you have always been just as deserving as everyone else you deemed worthier.

We are all connected. What you invest in you is what you invest in all. It spills over.  Self awareness allows you to bring kindness to others and yourself without questioning anyone’s worth, including your own.

So… um – the universe is in YOU as much as you are in the universe. And how could the universe ever be wrong, with having decided that we needed exactly YOU, just as you are, right here, right now?