Doing Life with Heike: Life’s Three Ingredients for a Smooth Ride

There are so many layers to the wonderful, complex (and sometimes very confusing) beings that we are.   Here we are on Earth in our human bodies with all these interconnected and pre-installed mind/body/soul systems to make it all work – but then we often struggle with the main ingredients to make it a smooth ride, self-LOVE, self-CARE, self-NURTURING !

Now I hear people say: “Oh sure I love myself” but we do not SEE them DO so. Their health is down, the immune system is struggling, there is constant stress, sleeping issues, anxiety… and the list goes on.  And when asked when last they had taken time out – they can’t remember and say they first need to do… or finish… and then they might take half a day off! But generally I hear: “I don’t have the time.”

Self-care, self-love, time out, self-nurturing have become a reward system for way too many people. The belief of “I need to DO first in order to deserve/earn time for myself” has become an ingrained blueprint – and when there is finally some time, there is the incredible guilt of using it all for themselves instead of others.

All the love, care, energy, nurturing etc. is being pumped into everyone and everything else around them – constantly – even when there is nothing else to give – for there is nowhere to replenish and fill up – for self-care has become a reward system and not a maintenance system

If you want to look at your body as being your vehicle – it is the equivalent of going to the petrol station and filling up everyone else’s vehicle but not your own. It makes no sense, especially not when you are the one that keeps so many areas of your and other people’s lives going.

The same with the: “I need to do and finish… first before I have time for myself.” It is the same as saying: “I am planning a long road trip but I am only filling up with petrol once I get there. You are setting yourself up for the impossible – and your mind, body and soul will suffer.

There is also only one person who allocates time in your life – YOU.  But the truth is that we allocate time according to what is important to us – so not allocating time to ourselves really gives us the message: ‘I am not important enough to myself’. That is a harsh statement but no matter how busy our days – if something happens and it is important enough – we WILL make time!

And, yes, a lot of this is blueprints from childhood, even trauma, some of us are not even aware that we are doing it, but it all boils down to one thing: We are subconsciously trying to find our worth from the outside world by the roles we play and the amount of work we DO for others; there is a deep-rooted belief that our worth lies in DO-ing and, with that, the outside world will be made the determining factor how worthy, good, balanced, competent… we feel, or not. That is a race that can never be won.

Self-love, on the other hand, is the voice that says: You are worthy, no matter what the outside world does or not, simply by BE-ing not by doing.  Self-love is a constant sealant for your inner self-defined worth. Worthiness is something you were born with, it was never something that needed to be earned, experiences made you believe differently – but the truth has never been any different. Your worth has always only ever been within you and was never supposed to be hustled for outside yourself, it simply does not exist there.

And this whole comparison habit – drop it – you cannot compare something/someone that only exists in this exact form ONCE to anything else, that fact alone makes you extraordinary.

You will also find that your solar plexus chakra is playing up quite a bit when you struggle with integrating self-love etc. into your life.

Our feelings and perceptions about ourselves are stored in the solar plexus. It is also referred to as the ‘I Am’ centre. This is our power centre, where many issues we are experiencing with low self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love can manifest.  This is where any unexpressed fears of rejection, criticism or judgment are stored. All of those feelings about not being ‘enough’ or ‘too much’ build up here. Any blockages relating to these themes have a tendency to live in this area. 

Difficulties with self-love can play out in a number of ways when ignored for too long. It can manifest psychologically/emotionally (resentment, anger, depression…) and physically with health issues such as digestive problems, anxiety, liver problems, allergies, constipation, fatigue, sleeping issues, middle to lower back issues, auto-immune conditions… and the list goes on.

Self-love is an inside-out motion. No more trying to figure out which version of me the world might like or not and start morphing into that, but rather give yourself permission to find the version of YOU that you are most comfortable with and let the world react to YOU. You will surprise yourself how much easier that is and how supported you will be.

This is not an overnight transformation, but start a step at a time with choosing you – daily – actively.  You also do not need to jump straight to self-love, start with self-acceptance: That who you are right here, right now is totally fine, with all your perceived flaws, short comings… And maybe start renaming them into… quirks, unique traits, lovable imperfections. For that’s who ALL of us are – perfectly imperfect. That’s the nature of human beings. So for now – just start with being ok with yourself and cutting yourself some slack.

Have a look at that version of you that you are holding yourself to on a daily basis for you think that’s the only way people will validate and love you – how realistic is that? And how much of that is truly YOU? Alone the fact that it is exhausting you to keep it up means – that ain’t YOU! Drop it – it leads you right down the rabbit hole again.

Start listening to the inner YOU – the little voice that says ‘enough’ and start encouraging this little voice to get louder, braver and take up space in this world. For that is the true YOU – your birthright has always been worthiness – for you come from pure love and are made of pure love.

The noises of the world started drowning that out, so start listening to the inside more than the outside. Pay attention how you speak to your inner self – and let it be a voice of encouragement, patience, nurturing, forgiving, allowing… but – most of all – let it be a constant source of never-ending support and kindness.

So, yes, start using all the wonderful (and very effective) tools like, Yoga, eating the right foods, daily affirmations, gem stones (e.g. citrine and amber), grounding, meditation, essential oils, boundaries, introduce yellow (solar plexus color), breathing exercises (certainly would recommend those), inner child work, energy healing… but don’t let it overwhelm you and become another source of stress for you ‘fail’ if you can’t keep all the routines.

Start small with simply allowing yourself to be perfectly imperfect. When you have a shitty day – allow yourself to experience that, it’s part of the human experience. When you are down – FEEL down. When you want to say No – say No and allow yourself to sit in the discomfort until choosing YOU feels more comfortable. Allow life to happen, as is, with just BE-ing.

Allow little bubbles of refuelling, contentment, get comfortable with sitting still even just for a minute. And just let it grow from there. Oh! And a bit of a spring-cleaning never does any harm. Spring-cleaning from anything and everything that constantly exhausts you and depletes you (thoughts, people, environment, obligations, belief systems, habits…).  All of these things are self-care, self-love and self-nurturing.

It has never been about not loving and caring for others but it is high time for including yourself and creating some balance. You have always and will always be worth it – never forget it is your birthright!

There is nothing to prove or earn – you are here to be unapologetically YOU!