Your Worth is not based on your Relationship Status

Let’s be honest, regardless of our own opinions on our relationship status, certain times of year, like the holiday season or St Valentine’s Day, continue to be a very tough time to be single. Whether or not we are enjoying it, embracing our personal freedom, thriving and making the most of a new chapter in our lives, we can still find ourselves consumed by self-doubt, self-destructive thoughts and loneliness. It can be really difficult to maintain a happy, positive look around coupled-up friends and even the thought of explaining yourself to others, trying to convince them that you are perfectly fine and happy, almost feels dishonest and counterproductive, because it is just an act of convincing ourselves.

People love to focus on the idea that being single automatically makes you lonely, unhappy and depressed. However we should be celebrating the fact that you have the opportunity to navigate life, find what makes you happy and focus on your own wellbeing. The narrative that being single means you are not happy, needs to change. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable with being alone; it is actually so empowering. There may be certain moments in your life when you are trying to get yourself back out there and you find rejection. Maybe your date didn’t text you back, or your crush is not interested or you are simply just over the idea of being single and the people you are meeting simply aren’t giving you the vibe you are looking for in a partner. These types of moments of rejection can bring about feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness and incompleteness. You need to realise that validation does not come from someone else. Although it can be very nice to gain some attention from someone cute on social media or you get an Instagram ‘like’ and you feel instantly good about yourself, you need to understand fully that long-term fulfilment comes from inside yourself. One person cannot be your everything. Relationships also contain insecurity, self-doubt, drama and feelings of unworthiness. Your worth is only about you. We can be attached to things, people, family and lovers, however not codependently. Once you realise that you already have everything you need, inside of yourself, you will begin to understand that everything else in life is just a sweet, beautiful cherry on top.

Here are some simple ways to remind yourself of your worth.

Exercise.
Exercise is the secret to happiness. It produces those happy hormones that make us feel so good about ourselves. Instead of holding yourself to perfect, unrealistic, highly edited body standards, that make you feel insecure, choose to encourage a lifestyle that supports focusing on your own happiness and allows you to connect with your body.

Journaling.
This is something I highly recommend and consider the idea of emotion-focused self-awareness. Basically journaling allows you to express creatively how you feel. It provides you with the opportunity to encourage a judgment-free space to write down your dreams and goals, so that you are able to see more clearly how you can achieve them. Journaling is about expressing gratitude, so that we are reminded of how much we have, how much we have achieved, all the love and good things in our lives.

Self-pleasure.
While an orgasm definitely provides you with happy hormones in a major way, touching ourselves lovingly and exploring our bodies, for example massaging ourselves after a relaxing bath or trying out new toys, will help to take us to a new orgasmic depth that we wouldn’t be able to experience with a partner until we had mastered it on our own first. Self-pleasure is such an important component to improving your sexual wellness and being comfortable in your sexuality. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is so important on your journey towards loving and accepting yourself. It also helps you to find your turn-on trigger.

Improve your sexual wellness.
On your journey towards discovering your self-worth and feeling comfortable with your sexuality, it is so important to also focus on developing your sexual wellness. Firstly, becoming comfortable with your body is so important and it is also important to spend time discovering what feels good to you and how to communicate that to your partner. Therefore get familiar with your body and what feels good to you and what does not. When you take the time to develop a positive attitude around your own body and sexual pleasure, it creates such an empowering feeling that will boost your self-confidence. A huge problem that many couples face in relationships is communication. You need to learn effective communication skills, so that you communicate your sexual likes and dislikes to your partner. Good sex is about mutual pleasure and enjoyment, otherwise it is not healthy sex and it will impact your relationship.

When you are in a relationship, it is so important to have conversations in which you discuss your sexual preferences and desires. Your sex will be far different when the honeymoon stage is over. When the honeymoon stage wears off, that is when you really need to make the effort to adapt to the differences from changes that you and your partner have when it comes to sex. You need to put in the effort to have great sex. If you are experiencing a lack of communication between yourself and your partner, it would be worth speaking to a professional and seeking help. It can be hard to experience sexual enjoyment if the emotional connection is weak in a relationship, therefore it would benefit your relationship to reach out for help. If you are not satisfied sexually in a relationship or you simply aren’t getting what you want, you need to address it. Having good sexual wellness is just as important as any other aspect of our wellbeing.

Once you understand that your worth is not based on your relationship status and that being alone can be very empowering, you are able to be comfortable with being alone and embrace your personal freedom. Through this journey, you are able to figure out what you want and don’t want in a relationship, what makes you happy in life and you are able to have a healthy relationship with someone after you have done that much-needed self-work.

Here are some ground rules for dating in 2022.

Have the right attitude. Dating can be fun and exciting. Therefore have an open mind and don’t give up on love.

You will need to experience disappointment before you find – ‘The one’. It’s part of life. However, through each experience, you get much closer to understanding what you really want in a partner.

Find someone who has similar interests. Developing a close relationship with someone comes from having similar interests. It’s like being married to your best friend with the bonus of great sex.

Be patient. Don’t apply so much pressure on finding love within a strict timeline. There are no short cuts to finding your true love.

Don’t attach too many emotions in the beginning. While dating, choose to keep your options open, until you find someone who is willing to settle down with you and commit to you, instead of giving your entire being to one person who may not have any intention of settling down with you.

Don’t sleep with every person you meet. Sex is basically equal to emotional attachment and, when you emotionally attach yourself, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to find the right person who will value and respect you. Therefore date smartly.

Have fun. Love yourself and don’t pressure yourself so much. Develop a mindset whereby you feel empowered and radiate positive vibes that will attract the right people your way.

Kelly Ann Ward – Podcaster, You tuber, entrepreneur and founder of WELLNESS BABE. I have a podcast called WELLNESS BABE BY KELLY WARD. Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Music.

I believe living your best life is achievable by all.