Letting go of what no longer serves you. I came across this expression in my ‘20s and, to be honest, I didn’t really understand what it meant until my late ‘30s. Today I feel I am only truly grasping it now.

We are brought up in a world where there are two conflicting beliefs; work hard, persevere and never give up. Then there is the other one that advises us to let go of what no longer serves us. It’s confusing. How do we know to let go of something? What are the tell-tale signs when it’s time to evaluate and do a personal audit of your life?

I have a habit of staying in things way past their due date. Whether it’s relationships, friendships and even work environments. I think it’s because of how resilient I am and my self-belief that I can try and make anything work. However, this has also caused me a lot of heartache, rejection and mental and physical stress. Sometimes one can be resilient to a fault. So, when is it time to let something go?

Life is a journey filled with relationships and experiences and while some connections bring joy, growth, and fulfilment, others can become toxic and draining. Similarly, certain situations in life may no longer serve a positive purpose and learning to recognise when it’s time to let go of people or situations that no longer contribute to our well-being is essential for personal growth and happiness

If you find yourself thinking about something a few times a day to the point of distraction, you are probably way past that point. If it’s affecting your sleep and eating habits, if you are trying to numb it with alcohol, food or medication, if you are finding yourself cranky and agitated or feel a deep profound sense of sadness, these could be a signal that there’s something going on.

In my case I sigh, I sigh deep sighs and catch myself and if there are a few bouts of sighing happening in a day I know there is something I need to shift.

What they don’t teach us in childhood is that sometimes giving up can be good. Did I just say that out loud? We all want joy, happiness and contentment in our lives. We want to feel balanced in all spheres of our life but if we are holding on to something that no longer serves us, it can throw off our entire balance. Perhaps sometimes we just need to give in to giving up.

A good exercise is to imagine what life would be like letting go of that one thing. Does it raise your vibration? What would you be doing instead? If you are feeling light and inspired at the thought of letting go, then it’s a sign.

If you consider a life where you never give that one thing up and continue on the same path, how do you feel in your body? Is it heavy, where does it sit? What emotion do you feel? Your body knows what the mind hasn’t recognised yet. If we only listen more to our bodies more, we could act before we are in the hospital or burnt out. The flip side is we can’t just make major life changes like leaving jobs and marriages or moving countries on a whim but once we recognise that something has to change, the mind will form new pathways as to how to make it change.

We also need to release or surrender our desire to the universe so the universe can conspire with us to help us get there quicker.

What often happens is the following:

– Fear

– Isolation

– Stagnation

– Decisions are made for us – whether it’s an accident, a crisis at work or a relationship crisis.

It’s okay to feel scared to let something go that has served you until this point. It’s okay to feel like you are letting go of some part of yourself. However, it’s not ok to be the lesser version of your best self. We are here for such a short time, seek out joy and what doesn’t pay rent must go and hopefully everything else will fall into place with you along this journey.  It’s not as daunting as it seems, although there is a little work to be done and it’s not always easy.

• Recognising Toxic Relationships

Signs of a toxic relationship include constant negativity from that person, emotional manipulation rather than support, lack of trust, disrespect and an inability to communicate openly and honestly.

According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, 40-50% of married couples in the United States divorce, with toxic relationships being a leading factor.

Recognise the red flags and consider the impact of the relationship on your mental health, self-esteem and overall happiness. Letting go of toxic relationships allows you to create space for healthy and supportive connections.

• Assessing Unfulfilling Friendships

Friendships, like any relationship, can change over time. As people grow and evolve, their values and interests may diverge so it’s important to assess the quality of your friendships regularly. Do your friends support and encourage you, or do they drain your energy and undermine your confidence?
Investing in fewer, more meaningful friendships can lead to greater life satisfaction and emotional well-being.

• Letting Go of Toxic Work Environments

Work is a significant aspect of life and toxic work environments can profoundly impact overall well-being. A study by the American Psychological Association found that workplace stress is one of the major causes of physical and mental health issues, leading to decreased productivity and increased absenteeism.

Signs of a toxic work environment include constant negativity from those you work with, lack of support from management, excessive workload and a culture that promotes competition over collaboration. Knowing when it’s time to leave can open doors to new opportunities and a healthier work-life balance.

• Identifying and Acknowledging Unhealthy Habits

Unhealthy habits, such as excessive alcohol consumption, substance abuse, or compulsive behaviours can be detrimental to physical and mental health both in the short and long term.

According to a report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), in 2019, approximately 20.4 million adults in the United States struggled with substance abuse disorders and this is on the increase worldwide. Seeking help and support from friends, family, or professional counsellors is an essential and transformative step toward healing and growth.

Once you’ve identified what is no longer working in your life, you need to identify what you do need in order to find fulfilment. And in order to do so, we need to seek out our authentic selves, not the selves that everybody else knows or expects but the self we aspire to and would like to embrace daily.

• Practice Self-Reflection

Get to know yourself and understand the person that you are now. Make time for self-reflection to assess the various relationships and situations in your life, both good and bad. Ask yourself how each connection makes you feel and whether it aligns with your values and goals. Self-awareness is the first step in recognizing what no longer serves you.

• Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from toxic influences. Communicate your needs and expectations in your relationships and be assertive in maintaining those boundaries. Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and personal growth.

• Seek Support

Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support during times of change and transition. Surrounding yourself with a positive and understanding support system can help you navigate difficult decisions and emotions.

• Focus on Personal Growth

Letting go of negative people or situations opens up space for personal growth and new opportunities. Embrace this period of change as an opportunity to explore your passions, invest in self-care, and discover new relationships that align with your values.

Remember, letting go is not a sign of weakness, but a brave step towards a happier and more fulfilling future. Knowing when to let go of people or situations that are no longer good for you or serving a purpose is a powerful act of self-care and personal growth.

Yael Geffen is the CEO and shareholder of Sotheby’s International Realty, South Africa. She grew up in a real estate dynasty established by her grandmother, Aida, and, prior to joining the family business in 2009, she acquired extensive real estate marketing, brand building and business development experience in the United States.

Yael is also an accomplished public and motivational speaker and her broadcast experience includes hosting and producing her own radio show from 2013 to 2017. Yael is a sought after Life and Business Strategy Advisor and is the 2020 winner of Standard Bank’s prestigious Top Woman in Property Award.

Yael is a mental health advocate and has been chosen to represent South Africa as a speaker for the World Leaders Summit in November 2021.