Even though it may not always be obvious, it does seem that the universe is geared towards growth and self-unfoldment. The way people learn and grow is through life experiences in the everyday world. Some of these experiences are pleasant, and others not so much.
In this article, I look at the “dark night of the soul,” a term usually given to an existential crisis – a sudden, life-changing, and very unpleasant experience that challenges your whole sense of self, purpose, and meaning in life.
What can you expect?
This period in your life usually involves a great loss. For instance, the death of a beloved spouse or close family member; the end of your marriage or a long-term relationship; or even a premature and unpleasant end to your job or career. It could also be the result of a traumatic experience, such as an accident that leaves you severely injured or even permanently disabled; finding out that you have a serious or terminal illness; or the real trauma of facing death by being the victim of war, a natural disaster, or violent crime.
From a spiritual or religious viewpoint, it can also be viewed as a time of testing and trial – something one has to go through when diligently following a religious or spiritual path. Knowing this may give you the strength and understanding to cope with the difficulties associated with the “dark night.”
Expect a time of intense emotions that leave you totally shattered and vulnerable. Beginning with shock and disbelief, you could experience extremely negative emotions such as fear, anger, severe anxiety, humiliation, and even a sense of feeling lost and abandoned.
Unfortunately, the negativity that usually accompanies this period in your life could result in you blaming others, or even God, for your misfortune. You may push away your family and friends, believing that they do not understand what you are going through. This persistent negative “self-talk” (what you are constantly telling yourself) may include thoughts of betrayal, humiliation, worthlessness, and uselessness, which can result in you questioning who you really are and what your purpose and meaning are in this world. In other words, you may experience a loss of your authentic self.
When it comes to your religious or spiritual beliefs, what you previously believed may no longer make sense to you in light of what has happened. For a while, you could be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained – vulnerable and exposed. You may even experience a spiritual “disconnect” and a crisis of faith. This could last only a few days or stretch on for months, and the negative emotions and thoughts could continue until you end up an empty shell full of pain and despair.
Sometimes people get lost in the intensity of this experience and struggle for many years to recover. Some never do, and that is the saddest part of all.
What to do?
In order to deal with this challenge effectively, it will be necessary for you to work through the painful thoughts and feelings that come with this experience. Counselling and therapy can help, as the danger here is that you could spiral down into depression. For those of you who see this as a sort of religious “initiation,” spiritual coaching and healing modalities could help you through the process of emptying yourself and engaging in a spiritual rebirth.
If you choose to go it alone, you will need to follow a path of intense self-evaluation and inner processing, in which you should ask yourself important existential questions, such as: Who are you really? What is your true essence? What is truly important in your life? What is your relationship to Spirit? What could be your purpose in having gone through this experience? Is this a test or a preparation for what is to come?
After the night comes the dawn
After the “dark night” comes the dawn. You could gain new spiritual insights after surviving this rollercoaster of self-destructive emotions and negative thinking. The lessons, purpose, and meaning of this experience should become clearer with hindsight. You may come to understand that some of your old beliefs, values, and ideas need updating, as they no longer serve you.
In other words, if you are able to look back and recognise the “dark night of the soul” for what it is – a time of suffering, but also one of cleansing, letting go, and being offered a new path in life – you may be able to return to your authentic self and rediscover what is truly important. If you succeed in standing up again, your slate will be clean, and you will once again be ready to face life, but this time with a new outlook, a deeper understanding, and a hard-earned resilience and maturity.
I wish you all the best.
